I’ve got that Tina Turna song in my head as I write this…
“What’s love got to do with it?
What’s love but a second hand emotion
what’s love got to do with it
who needs a heart, when a heart can be broken“
When it comes to relationships and feeling connected in meaningful ways, it is our own heart that we need.
But it’s not easy. We get stuck in our past hurts, or our present misery. We all seek love, to be loved, to be connected with another so deeply to feel happiness. But all too often the Disney movie of our own life falls way short of those on the big screen.
We all too easily give our power away in relationships. We give our all to another and are devastated when they don’t reciprocate. We get hurt by our partners, our friends, people we work with.
We experience this enough times and we start to believe that love is a second hand emotion that we would rather not bother with. That relationships are too hard, or we are not good at them. We carry our past hurts around with us in our hearts. This shuts our hearts down. We become hardened to love even though we deeply desire it. We become cynical and sadden by life.
The kicker is, relationships are something we can’t go cold turkey on no matter how hard we try or would want to.
So what’s the solution?
- What’s the secret to attracting love, having a happy marriage or even a happy divorce?
- How do we find jobs where people really support each other and connect in meaningful ways?
- Is there a pill we can take that just makes it all better?
The answer is yes… And then no.
Here’s the thing. The solution is so simple and so close to home that it can seem too easy.
# 1 Create Inner Safety: We have to first let go of our inbuilt love defences. Those walls we have put up to shield us from being hurt again. To do this, we have to feel safe. Feeling safe only happens when we take time out to get some healing and support from an expert who has the skills to facilitate this with us.
#2 Become In-sourced: We then have to reconnect with our own heart and nourish it from the inside out. Rather than looking to someone else to do this for us, this job has to be in-sourced, not out-sourced to someone else. There is no ‘uber-love’ dial out for this one. It has to be homegrown and home-delivered.
This means we have to STOP blaming ourselves and others, and START to make a choice to move towards love again regardless of the past hurts.
It’s not our fault. We are fed the happy ever after story from a young age. Did you know that Bridgerton is the most-watched new series in Netflix history!! Why? Because it delivers, scandal, sex, romance, and drama. And this is what we are led to believe is true love!
We are sold ideals of, love at first sight, the one, soul mates, twin flames. We grow up believing we need a partner to be complete. I totally bought into this as a teenager from Tom Cruise in his movie Jerry Maguire …’..you complete me.’
Don’t get me wrong, I believe in love. I love, love. But the real pandemic that has gripped all of our lives is the belief that we need a partner, we need to get married, THEN we can live happily ever after. Or that we are a failure if we reach a certain age and haven’t got a partner or are not married with kids. IT’S NOT TRUE!!
This is the formula for lasting happiness and love:-
SELF LOVE + SELF BELIEF = LASTING HAPPINESS
LOVE is an infinite field of high vibrational energy. It is available to every one of us all of the time. In any and every moment. This is different from the emotional love we can have for another person.
The love we get from another person comes and goes. I can love someone with all my heart and the next day hate them with the same amount of vigour.
- So where is this infinite field of love?
- Can I buy it at the supermarket?
- Is there a gift card I can buy?
The answer is much closer to home.
We cannot rely on someone else to be loving, approving, or accepting us all of the time. We are each worthy of love. We don’t have to work hard to please others or to earn it. We simply have to practice giving it to ourselves.
So what’s love got to do with it? It is the one gift we have within us. To give to ourselves. To share with others, without conditions set on it. Love is completely free. It can be streamed continuously with unlimited downloads.
Love is a choice.
Choose to share some of it today. Open your heart to it in small ways if your heart is heavy. Pat a dog. Snuggle your cat. Play with your kids. Watch a sunrise or sunset. Smile at a stranger. Strike up a conversation with the BIG ISSUE seller. Sing a song. Play an instrument. Do a good deed for someone, not because you want them to thank you, but to open your own heart.
Be love in action today…